Hey kids, guess what time it is? It’s time to take the U.S. Census! Isn’t that exciting? The census is taken in the United States every ten years. I don’t know if other countries conduct a census, but I don’t live there, so I don’t really care.
The census is taken to get an accurate account of how many people live in the United States. There are two very important reasons why the government needs to know how many people live here. First, the government doles out over $400 billion dollars to states and municipalities based on population. So if you want a piece of that legislative allocation, you make damn sure to fill out your census form.
The census is so important; the census sends you a letter stating that the census form is coming in the mail. Now there’s a fine use of tax dollars. There has also been an endless stream of television ads telling everyone how important the census is, and that you’ll be getting a form in the mail. I wonder what those ads cost. Maybe the census takes all the census costs out of the $400 billion.
The elderly get money for services pertaining to them, so we need to make sure to get an accurate count on them. Approximately 6700 people die every die in America, many of them elderly. Getting a correct tally could be tricky. Some of the money goes to schools, so it’s important to get a fix on how many children there are. However, about 11,800 babies are born every day in the U.S. That can really mess with the figures the government has to work with.
The other reason is that our representation in Washington is based on census figures. The population of districts determines whether or not the district is entitled to another unneeded legislative asshole that doesn’t have his constituents interest at heart. That’s the clincher for me in a nutshell. I don’t know about you, but I certainly want my tax dollars going to another out of touch imbecile’s salary who doesn’t give a shit about the needs of the voters, and all because the census determines we need one.
Personally, I think the census is a great idea in theory; in practice the census is woefully flawed. Let’s take the illegal immigrant population shall we? The U.S. Census estimates that there are between 7 and 20 million illegal immigrants living in the United States at any given time. The census estimates that approximately 200,000 illegal immigrants enter the U.S. every year, and have been doing so at this rate since 1986. Correct me if I’m wrong; my math skills are a bit weak, but 200,000 times 24 years, gives me about 5,000,000. That’s a far cry from 7 million, and it’s a blood curdling screaming tantrum from 20 million. Where the census gets their figures from escapes me? Oh, that’s right, they get their figures from census estimates. There’s that word again that’s bandied about so freely; “estimates.”
In my estimation, that leaves between 2 million and 15 million illegal immigrants unaccounted (?) for; the difference being roughly, since we’re using round numbers, twice the population of New York City. That kind of number can really skew where $400 billion should go. But don’t be alarmed; the census has a contingency for just this kind of inaccuracy.
There is a Federal law, which means it must be so, which states, and I’m taking this right from the back of the page of supplemental information:
Federal law (see, I told you!) protects your privacy and keeps your answers confidential (Title 13, United States Code, Sections 9 and 214). The answers you give on the census form cannot be obtained by law enforcement (whew!) or tax collection agencies. Your answers cannot be used in court. (whew again!) They cannot be obtained with a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request. As allowed by law, census data becomes public after 72 years (Title 44, United States Code, Section 2108). Wow! No government agency can gain access to any census information. Do you really buy that bullshit?
I knew there was a catch. That means if you are an illegal immigrant, and stay in this country for 72 more years, you can then be deported. There is also another catch. All of the information in the previous paragraph is written in English!
When I opened my census form, two things jumped out at me. One was the first two questions.
1. How many people were living or staying in this house, apartment, or mobile home on April 1, 2010?
2. Were there any additional people staying here April 1, 2010 that you did not include in Question 1?
If you don’t believe me, look for yourself. Is this some sort of second chance to come clean? Is the census bureau saying, “Okay, we know you didn’t tell us the truth in Question 1, so here’s your last chance. Think carefully about your answer to Question 1, and see if you really want to stick with that.” I guess “additional,” and “did not include,” are underlined to emphasize how important this figure, and that the census bureau means business!
Imagine being the person whose numbers from the first two questions coincide. What do they say to themselves? “Whoa! I guess the jig is up. Nothing gets past these sharp census folk. Okay, you caught me. Rats!” Or is the number in the answer to question one so high, that you forget everyone who’s living with you?
I propose to get a truly accurate census that the United States declares a “National Census Day.” Everyone is given the day off. Schools are closed. All businesses cease operation. You know, just like Sundays back in the ‘60s. That day, everyone at their predetermined time, MUST stand outside on the street they live on, and each town’s census takers will drive around to get a physical head count. No names, no addresses, no phone numbers; just bodies. The same “Federal laws” would apply.
The second thing that perplexed me was the absence of any European classification. Question 8 covers every “Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish” background. Question 9 allows for all Asian, Pacific Islander, Black, African American, Negro (people still refer to themselves as “Negro” in 2010?) Native American, and White. Are Europeans supposed to be just bunched together with all “whites?” What if Euros take offense to that? Am I allowed to use the term Euros? I’m so confused.
So are the folks who live in states with little or no illegal immigrant population. They feel they are going to get a skinnier piece of the government pie because their states can’t pad their population figures the way states like Arizona, California, and Florida can. New York illegals don’t count. They’ve included themselves for years with impunity. However, a problem exists in California, Arizona, and Florida that could gum up the works.
California and Arizona have really cracked down (Florida not as much) on illegal immigration. Florida’s approach to illegals has always ebbed and flowed like the tide, relying on the general mood of public opinion. With this kind of uncertainty and the innate distrust in government; I’m sure illegals everywhere are suspect as to whether filling out a census form is in their best interest, though they would also gain if a little extra government coin was to flow into their community. What a conundrum! This gives new meaning to the adage “fish or cut bait.”
As the dutiful good American that I am, I will fill out the census and return it in a timely manner. I will do this for the same reason I vote; it gives me the right to bitch. It gives me the right to point my finger at those that eschew this responsibility, and reinforce the pandemic apathy that plagues this country. I certainly don’t want to become part of the reason my community’s schools are underfunded. But then again, I don’t want to be included as part of the reason we get to elect another legislative douchebag to Congress. Maybe I’ll just fudge my answers to questions 1 and 2.
You know; if you say the word "census" enough times, it almost sounds like "senseless."
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