Giving the Devil Her Due

I fully intended to share my woeful four day period of sports catastrophe, but after last week’s blog, I must give the devil her due. The sports lamentation will have to wait.
I am a registered Republican. I once belonged to the Young Republicans Club of Morris County New Jersey. I have never voted across party lines for a Presidential election since 1976, when I became eligible for the privilege. However, these last few years have taken a severe toll on my political loyalties. I feel the same way as Ronald Reagan did when he switched sides; “I didn’t leave the Republican Party, the Republican Party left me.” So as I sat down in my chair and a half to watch the Vice-Presidential debate last Thursday, I was armed for bear, or moose if you will. Readied with a bag of popcorn and a bottle of G2, I settled in for what I thought would be the 21st century version of the Christians versus the lions, except we get to watch on live television. I was rudely disappointed. Much to my chagrin, Sarah Palin did not completely embarrass herself and her party...only partially.
Ms., “golly gee” I hope she doesn’t take offense that I use the politically correct title, even though she quite obviously would rather be called missus, setting the women’s movement back further than their inability to get the ERA amendment ratified; Ms. Palin addressed the questions posed with confidence, no matter how vague and ramblin’ and off topic they may have been. She did not stammer, she did not flinch, and she did not wilt. Good for her. However, let’s look at what may have caused some of her pearls of wisdom to be a little off the mark “dadgummit.”
First, let’s be clear about politicians. They are spin doctors of the nth degree. And “jiminy,” they have a tendency to be a might loquacious. This results in an extremely beneficial symbiotic relationship between these two aspects of one’s persona. This debate had plenty of both characteristics on display. Good thing “Gwen” the moderator kept time. Senator Biden and “Gwen” were obviously close since “Joe,” frequently addressed her by this moniker. Biden, who is admittedly longwinded, had a field day flauntin’ the time constraints. Governor Palin not once protested, perhaps due to the fact she never lifted her head from whatever it was she was scribblin’ while Biden orated. What was she writin’ anyway, it was much more than takin’ notes? It seemed as though she was takin’ an oral exam on the fly and forgot to study. It’s a “heckuva” good thing her pen didn’t run out of ink. (Insert homey symbolic wink here.)
It’s a given both participants made accusations that stretched the truth. What I’d like to discuss are some things that annoyed me.
Joe Biden's hair irks me because I’m also losin’ mine and I’m unable to achieve such an attractive arrangement of limited growth.
My wife made the observation that the debate didn’t sound like a debate at all. It sounded like campaignin’, I concur. Sometimes both participants ventured so far off the beaten path that they could have used a GPS system and still not found their way back to the question that “Gwen” asked.
Buzz words make me vomit. I still don’t understand the purpose they serve. If you insert them into your blather do you get into a special club that gives airline miles the more you use them? “Maverick” and “Reform” were used so often that they no longer make any sense to me.
Governor Palin and Senator Biden had a penchant for beating the livin’ shit out of an issue, as if you didn’t get their pointless points after the fifth time you heard it. Did you know that Alaska was an energy producin’ state? I heard the same crap so frequently that I was reminded of the Bugs Bunny episode Hare Brush, where “My name is Elmer Fudd. I’m a millionaire, and I own a mansion and a yacht” is a main punchline because it’s uttered so many times.
I grew weary of the competition to see who was more “middle class” in an effort to relate to “Joe Six-Pack.” Both references offended me. According to John McCain, if your household income is less than $60,000, you are now considered lower middle class. If that’s the new criteria, neither nominee can relate to me. Let me give a “shout out” (see how hip I am) to all my “peeps” in the same boat. Also, as an alcoholic, I am insulted they think all I can put away is a six-pack. I used to drink that before I left the house in the mornin’. Out of the loop again!
Some random observations if I may be so bold. Several political pundits said that Biden and Palin “sparred” with each other. If so, they did with those oversized boxin’ gloves that you see at kids birthday parties.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but are we trying to “conserve our hydrocarbons?” I thought a hydrocarbon was an organic compound found in fossil fuels.
I did not realize “visitations in hospitals” were to be considered when same sex relationships were concerned about work related benefits.
Was Biden or Palin aware that we had a financial crisis that accompanied the last real estate boom and bust in the late ‘80s when my house was foreclosed on?
I certainly hope class rank does not determine your ability to “knowing how to win a war.” Custer finished last in his class at West Point and his ability to defeat the Sioux proved grossly inadequate. Maybe fifth from the bottom is substantially more adept at determining which plan of action to pursue.
What exactly are “National Security Freedoms?” Isn’t that an oxymoron? I sure am thankful that our government makes me feel “free” by tappin' my phone.
Wasn’t this a Vice-Presidential debate; and if so why did take an hour and five minutes before the first Dick Chaney reference? He’s still alive isn’t he? I don’t know anymore. His sightings are less frequent than UFOs.
I was pleased to see Governor Palin give “props” to her “homeboy” (am I relatin’ to everyone?) Ronald Reagan, for America being the “City on the Hill,” quote. It’s good to see it’s not just the sports journalists who seem to believe everything began in 1980. The quote should have been attributed to John Winthrop, the first elected Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1629, only missed the authenticity by 379 years. But hey, they were both elected governors once.
Did I drop enough “g”s in this piece to allow me to “sit around your kitchen table?”
No? Okay, Let me state what I have stated previously so I can state what needs to be stated time and again though no one seems to understand why any of this isn’t stated more often; or is it because it has been stated so frequently that we lose sight of the fact that it hasn’t been stated enough? What was the question again?