"Stupid is as Stupid Does"

For those of you who’ve been living on another planet these last ten years; the title is a line of dialogue from the movie Forrest Gump. The Tom Hanks vehicle adapted from the Winston Groom novelette about a dimwitted young man and his uncanny ability to be in the right place and the right time. Instead of his below average intelligence holding him back, it’s overcome by his unbridled innocence which propels him to achieve great things. The movie is quite heartwarming; epitomizing the fine wondrous lemonade made out of a life of lemons. Not knowing any better can be charming to a point.
In real life, idiocy begets more idiocy, not the bed of roses experienced by Mr. Gump. We are bombarded daily by acts of stupidity so profound it’s no wonder America has fallen in love with reality programming. Local television news journalists seem to go out of their way to find the individuals with the least amount of firing neurons, and ask their opinions on the pertinent news of the day. Most sporting event venues boast huge monitors on which at any given moment show people willing to behave in a fashion, that under normal circumstances, these same individuals would find appalling if they did these very same things in the privacy of their own home. And if the camera espies someone who thought it would be a good idea to bring their infant to said event; they’d stop just short of throwing their kid on the field, court, ice, whatever, just for a chance to be seen on the Jumbotron. With any luck at all, these same folks can be found in the background waving and giggling manically during the news journalist’s man on the street opinion pieces. These members of the populace sadly are the majority and not the minority. They are everyday men and women who obviously have been shortchanged at the intellectual cash register. We should pray for them and their offspring, if God forbid they continue to breed. However, they’ve now infiltrated mainstream American consciousness, and I’m not talking about those who continue to publicly embarrass themselves on the never ending diet of schlock television. I’m talking about the national news!
CBS has been airing excerpts of Katie Couric’s exclusive interview with vice-presidential candidate Britany Spears. Oops! I meant Sarah Palin, it’s hard to distinguish the two when you’re not looking at the screen and only have their voices to go by. She should be wearing black framed glasses out of respect for her dead brain.
This is the person John McCain and his brain trust, so to speak, thought or not, to be the best choice for the second in command of our country. Really! Is this what we’ve come to? The last time convoluted answers were this painful to listen to? At the 2007 Miss Teen America Pageant, Miss South Carolina was attempting to explain why fifteen percent of Americans couldn’t read a map.
Confucius believed that the smartest individuals should run government. That’s why he developed the most rigorous civil service examination ever devised. Well ladies and gentlemen; he’s flipping in his grave as we speak. Isn’t it bad enough we’ve had a “C” student running the zoo; I mean country, for the last eight years?
For an extra added attraction John McCain, he of the Joan Rivers smile, joined Ms. Palin for the Couric interview. It was reminiscent of an Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy routine except McCain’s hand wasn’t up the back of Palin’s jacket.
This Thursday Sarah Palin will square off in the first battle of political wits with frenetic senator Joe Biden and she is unarmed. This is true reality programming for all the masses who find those shows so enthralling. Jeff Foxworthy will be mediating this grown up version of Are you Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, well are you Ms. Palin? If there is an anabolic steroid for increasing one’s brain capacity, she’s going to need it. Unlike Tom Hanks' character, Palin finds herself in the wrong place at the wrong time. She inspires the reality show watching couch potatoes across the country into believing “Hey! Maybe I should get into politics. If she can do it, I can too!” Let’s hope not. In the paraphrased words of Mr. Gump, “Stupid is as …well, never mind, it’s just stupid.”