Not I, Said the Pig

Sadly, America has become a litigious society. A little spilled hot coffee here, a fender bender resulting in chronic back pain there, and pretty soon everybody is blaming everybody else but themselves, and everyone expects someone to pay. Women marry men for their money, and then divorce the person they married due to irreconcilable differences. Do they admit fault? Do they realize the error of their superficial ways, no; they make sure their no longer significant other pays for their lack of foresight. Men share this burden of guilt for the want of a trophy wife with their wallets. Shallow is, what shallow does. Recently this absurdity has reached new heights. Just ask Ben Roethlisberger and Rick Pitino.
In 1971, Lee Marvin found himself in a California courtroom thanks to the first “palimony” suit brought against him by longtime girlfriend Michelle Triola. Who the hell is Michelle Triola you may ask? Precisely. You’d have absolutely no idea who she was had not she had an ongoing relationship with the rich and famous Marvin. It wasn’t enough that for many years she led a charmed jet-set lifestyle at the expense of Marvin. No, after he broke off the relationship, Ms. Triola felt she was entitled to a significant amount of Mr. Marvin’s assets. Thankfully, the courts finally ruled her allegations were unfounded. But the die had been cast for future live-ins to lay claim to the accumulated wealth of another just because they enjoyed, (and I mean enjoyed if they’re a member of the privileged) some quality time together. The reason behind this thinking being, the jilted party would have been rich and famous in their own right had they not chose to be a glorified armpiece. And monkeys might fly out of my ass. However, it’s great “work” if you can get it. This happens occasionally to men, but less frequently. With a divorce, no matter the gender, coughing up dough is SOP. Guy Richie, Madonna’s former betrothed, wouldn’t have even had a career had not he married The Material Girl. It’s safe to say Mr. Richie was quite a bit better off when she dumped him, than before they exchanged nuptials. It seems as though any situation that doesn’t turn out the way the individuals involved expects it to, can be cured by financial compensation.
Everything from the infamous McDonald’s hot coffee incident, to waiting too long on the tarmac for your flight to take off, results in monetary dispensation. The unfathomable case of the prospective burglar who hurt himself falling through the roof of the potential victim’s home, which resulted in a pecuniary award from the homeowner’s insurance company, is a perfect example of what this country has come to. Not only does "why work when you can steal" apply here, but also, if the theft is unsuccessful, sue. Frivolous lawsuits abound unchecked like some sort of conciliatory runaway locomotive gone drastically awry. These types of lawsuits similar to the ones previously mentioned, have been glorified in such films as Philadelphia, A Civil Action, and Erin Brockovich. Mercifully, those cases served as a prelude to a more noble cause. Jacoby & Meyers, the first law firm to advertise on television, ought to be ashamed of themselves. Others will say that they should be lauded for their intuition concerning the future of law. Had they been a publically traded company, their stock would have skyrocketed before the market became flooded with personal injury attorneys. In the cases of Ben Roethlisberger and Rick Pitino, we get the best of both twisted legal worlds, frivolity and the want of a big payday by the plaintiff.
Ben Roethlisberger is the star quarterback for the reigning Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers. On July 17th, of this year, Andrea McNulty (bet you never heard of her before this), filed a civil suit against the Steeler QB, claiming that Roethlisberger sexually assaulted her, not on July 16, or even the 15th, 2009, but in July of 2008. Ms. McNulty is seeking damages for emotional pain she has had to endure. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m not a woman thankfully, but I was always under the impression that rape is a serious crime that causes severe trauma to the victim. If anyone can clear this up for me, it would be greatly appreciated. Why does anyone wait a year before coming forward, and when they do, why a civil complaint, and not a criminal one? Let me venture a guess.
The shame from rape often inhibits a woman from coming forward. However, I’ve never heard of a woman being “boastful, and bragging” about “being with” Roethlisberger. But, according to the sworn statement of Angela Antonetti, a co-worker of McNulty’s, that’s exactly how McNulty behaved after the incident. Antonetti stated further, that McNulty expressed her hope for a “little Roethlisberger” according to published reports in The Reno-Gazette-Journal. Well, if you’re as sleazy as this sworn statement indicates, of course you want to be impregnated by a celeb. That’s like winning the fucking Powerball to the rest of us with a shred of moral decency. However, if what has been revealed thus far is true, Andrea McNulty wouldn’t recognize a moral if it bit her on the ass. And let’s not start making excuses for this cheap, manipulative bitch, by delving into her “troubled past” so we can come up with the source of her ethical impropriety, even though that’s the prevailing attitude today. Hey, maybe she can claim she has ADHD, or some shit like that; which has altered her behavior so dramatically, she can’t help herself from sleeping with a celebrity, then trying to extort money from them when she finds out she’s not having the golden fetal dump she was hoping for. The case concerning Rick Pitino is even more bizarre.
Pitino is the coach of the University of Louisville Cardinal basketball team. For the last twelve years Tim Sypher has worked for Rick Pitino. Currently, Sypher serves as equipment manager for the Louisville basketball team. Before that, Sypher was an assistant of Pitino’s when he was head coach of the Boston Celtics. Prior to that, ironically, Sypher worked as an investigator for the state of Massachusetts. Sypher is in the process of getting a divorce from his wife Karen. It is she who the FBI is investigating concerning the allegations of attempting to extort Pitino. This all stems from the consensual sex (Sypher claims it was rape) Pitino had with Karen Sypher at a restaurant, get this, back in 2003. That’s right, not one, but six years ago. Then things got strange.
Karen Sypher, according to a published report by the Associated Press, stated that two weeks after their tryst, Sypher claimed she was pregnant. I didn’t know a menstrual cycle could be bi-weekly. Also, she was married at the time, call me crazy, but couldn’t her husband possibly be the father of the alleged (no evidence indicates she was pregnant) fetus? Sypher and Pitino, who probably immediately rued his indiscretion, thought an abortion was best. I guess after five kids for Pitino, and four for Sypher, they both had enough of that shit. Sypher claimed she’d get an abortion, but she didn’t have health insurance. So, Pitino gave her the money not for an abortion, but for health insurance, three-thousand dollars worth. Christ, what did she have, a mink lined uterus? This did not satisfy Sypher. Later, she gave her husband a list of demands. They included “college tuition for her children, two cars, money to pay off her house and $3,000 per month,” according to the AP report. When Pitino wouldn’t cooperate, Karen Sypher upped the ante. She guessed ten million dollars ought to cover a two time sexual liaison. Ya think? It was when she got stone walled; Karen Sypher claimed she was raped by Pitino. Oy vey! Coach Pitino then went to the FBI. Now, a private mistake has become a public one. Karen Sypher (who?) doesn’t suffer publically, Rick Pitino does. She has nothing to lose. As a matter of fact, it was Sypher who went to the press after Pitino went to the FBI. Talk about a woman scorned. She makes Andrea McNulty look like a piker.
The names of two notable sports celebrities get dragged through the mud whether they are innocent of all wrong doing or not. Two lunatic, jilted jezebels are discovered for the shams they are. While one gets mesmerized by gazing into the eyes of Dracula, the same can happen to a man by staring at a woman’s boobs. The only thing Roethlisberger and Pitino seem to be guilty of, and both women preyed on this fact, is that the brains of both men were located in the heads of their purple helmeted warriors instead of the heads on their shoulders. Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead.
Like people that clog the court system with nuisance lawsuits in the hope of making a quick buck, and those that get involved in relationships seeking only an eventual big payday; these two women never heeded what I’m sure was said to them throughout their lives to serve as a reminder. Pick any one of the following America, “You reap what you sow,” Be careful what you wish for,” and “It’s nobody’s fault but your own.” Will somebody please man-up and take your medicine for Christ’s sake.