Hold the Applause!

The dictionary states that the definition of applause is: approval or praise expressed by clapping. This is not to be confused with clap, which is: to strike the palms of (one’s hands) together repeatedly, typically in order to applaud. Other forms refer to putting a hand on one’s mouth or forehead to show dismay; slap encouragingly on the back or shoulder; an explosive sound, esp. thunder. It is also a venereal disease, esp. gonorrhea. That’s what Al Capone died of. It does not say uncontrollable hand collisions due to nervousness. It does not say the spastic ritual of bringing hands together to get attention. With this in mind, I would surmise that Nancy Pelosi is suffering from clapping disease.
There are many forms of clapping, as well as applause. Baseball coaches often clap encouragement either from the dugout or coach’s box. This display will often provoke clapping from other players to encourage the fellow player to accomplish whatever endeavor he is engaged in. If said player succeeds, this will then result in applause from both teammates and observers. Similar circumstances occur during the course of basketball and football games. This does not arise among hockey players, since it is not only difficult, but pointless to clap with hockey gloves on. However, like boxing, performance by the participants will often elicit applause from the spectators of these events. In golf, there is a muffled, rapid acknowledgement known as “the polite golf clap.” This is a subtle version of applause.
Impatient concert goers will sometimes break into a rhythmic clapping to persuade whatever artist they are there to see, to get up on stage and perform. This usually results in rousing applause. When most enjoyable performances conclude, the crowd then stands and applauds. This is called a standing ovation. Conditions have to warrant such demonstrations of emotion. In the world of entertainment, standing ovations happen at the end of particularly fine executions of one’s craft, this will then cause a counter to the standing ovation, which is a curtain call. In the theater, the actors will come out on stage to receive additional accolades. If the standing ovation continues, actors will then take multiple bows to acknowledge the audiences appreciation. For dramatic effect, the curtain will open and close between bows. Once the applause dies down, the curtain will then remain closed and the house lights will come on.
Last night there was a Presidential address. Nancy Pelosi may very well be still at Capital building, alone, standing and applauding, or should I say clapping, because there’s nothing left to applaud.
In music, if the standing ovation lasts long enough, the band or artist will reappear on the stage and perform one or more additional songs. The music standing ovation is sometimes accompanied by the ceremonial igniting of cigarette lighters as a supplement to the din of hands. Last evening, a baseball game did not go on in the halls of Congress; nor did a rock concert, or a remarkable performance by a renowned actor.
Sometimes one solitary clap is necessary to get the attention of a person or thing. We may clap once to keep the dog from barking. A single clap is used by some to stop the cat from using the Indian cotton couch as a scratching post. A hypnotist will clap to awaken someone from their trance-like state. At one time, two claps quickly in succession have been used by the wealthy to summon a servant. Two rapid claps are also valuable to the school teacher to get their students to focus. Today, there is a device where one clap can turn a light on or off. Had the lighting at the Hall of Congress had this device wired into its system, Nancy Pelosi could have single-handedly made the room look like a dance club with multiple strobe lights.
For those of you who missed it, Barack Obama gave his Congressional address. He talked about the state of the economy. He talked about the state of education in this country. He talked about the deficiency in health care in the United States. He talked of his plan to alter the present course of those things. He did so in a prepared speech. Speech writers normally include breaks in the speech that state “wait for applause.” They are trained men and women who can accurately gauge what will educe applause. Last night the speech writers were made to look like imbeciles by Nancy Pelosi, whose dreadful disease came on without warning throughout the Presidents address. Her affliction almost each and every time Barack Obama uttered a sentence, or cleared his throat, manifested itself in the form of a Standing Ovation. It got to the point Obama must have been curious as to what he said that prompted this exuberant response. He could scarcely get through a complete statement. Little did he know what was going on behind him. If he had, as humble as he appears to be, it would not have shocked those in attendance if the President of the United States had turned around and yelled “QUIT IT! Can’t you see I’m speaking here?” And then promptly bitch slapped her.
Nancy Pelosi sprang from her seat so often, it was as though her chair was heated and someone put the setting on too high a temperature. Perhaps she was also suffering from hemorrhoids and she couldn’t help herself. When she could no longer endure sitting, she’d jump from her seat giving her much needed temporary relief. Can one suffer of Tuorette's of the ass? Vice-President Joe Biden once even rolled his eyes at a prompt that launched Ms. Pelosi for the umpteenth time. Since Vice-President Biden was seated next to her on the rise behind the President, if he didn’t get up when Speaker of the House Pelosi did, he’d look like a fool,when it was Pelosi who looked, and acted the part of the fool. I wouldn’t be surprised if Biden felt embarrassment for her.
Watching Ms. Pelosi, I was reminded of clergy who stand before their congregations and motion with their hands when it’s time for the parishioners to stand and sit. She was like those people who sign for the deaf members of the audience, when she got up, those in the audience facing her were supposed to get up. If they did not, they would no doubt raisee her ire, and perhaps be shamed into standing. However, I’m convinced Pelosi eventually lost all comprehension as to why she was repeatedly standing and clapping, (because often nothing was said that justified applause). Perhaps she did so due to some strange form of OCD.
During the analysis on CBS, Katie Couric stated that the President had spoken for nearly fifty minutes. Like an hour long television show peppered with commercial breaks, resulting in only forty minutes of viewing; the net time of real speaking was only thirty minutes.
So let’s not ridicule Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi like I’ve done here. Let’s have some compassion for her and her illness. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt for her bizarre behavior unlike what the public gave her colleague Howard Dean. One day she’ll leave politics and have to get a job and cope in the real world with this illness. Maybe she can get a job as a professional seat filler. I hope she avoids the same fate as Al Capone. Now will some one tell her to extinguish her lighter and go home.